Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
