just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
