btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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