k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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