i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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