I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
