My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
