not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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