Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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