I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
