are you still at the devil's house?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
even my farts smell like vagina
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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