Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
