When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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