So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
