sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
