it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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