So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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