we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
