When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
