he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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