Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
