Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
