last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
