I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
