Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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