hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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