I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
