My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
