he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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