I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
either way he was missing a nipple.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
