I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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