we have officially lost it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
