Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
