Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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