grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
