i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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