you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
