return my video game
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
