I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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