Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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