In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
