he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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