Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
