just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
