it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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