Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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