You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
