nutella sex= disaster
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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