Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
