im holly from the hills drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
