i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize