You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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