Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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