no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
