so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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