i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
