i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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