Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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