I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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