The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
