I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
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she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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