I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
