first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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