AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
