Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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