I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
