My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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