omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
