32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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