gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
