Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
