my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
