You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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